


Microchimera

by Mothallah



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Attempted Abortion, Body Horror, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Gaslighting, Statement Fic (The Magnus Archives), The Flesh Fear Entity (The Magnus Archives), Unhealthy Relationships, Unplanned Pregnancy, both garden-variety and monster-induced, set in s2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:14:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29892714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mothallah/pseuds/Mothallah
Summary: "Statement of Gillian Norwich, concerning an unwanted pregnancy. Original statement given April 25th, 2013. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.Did you know foetal cells can stay in your body for the rest of your life? They can become part of just about any organ, so even if you miscarry or abort, you’ve got them wound into your DNA. Did you know that, if you’re pregnant and not getting enough calcium, the foetus will pull it out of your bones to feed itself?"
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 12
Kudos: 16





	Microchimera

_Statement of Gillian Norwich, concerning an unwanted pregnancy. Original statement given April 25th, 2013. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London._

_Statement begins:_

I know this isn’t where I should be. You’re a fucking...research institute, and not even the right kind of research. I should be at a doctor’s. I _wish_ I was at a doctor’s, but I’ve tried that, and they didn’t help, and at this point I’d love to believe that someone out there can explain it because otherwise I’m just...very, very ill.

I’m here because no one else believes me. Not my mum, not my boyfriend, not the nurses at the clinic, and I don’t know how I can convince them if they can’t see what’s right in front of them. If it’s right in front of them. Sometimes it feels like – not an out-of-body experience, not that at all, but something exactly the opposite. A too-much-in-body experience, where I can feel every catch and pop of my joints, every strain on my arteries as my heartbeat speeds up, every scrap of cell knitting itself together inside me. I’m going to have a baby. A baby is going to have me.

I never wanted kids. I mean, kids as people are...fine. Sticky and prone to throwing up if my experience babysitting is anything to go by, but once they get past kindergarten you can sort of talk to them. I just never wanted the responsibility. And I don’t want to lose myself in being a mother the way Mum did – it was just me and Jake, even though I know she kept trying for more, but even with just two kids we were all she had time for. If wanting more than that makes me selfish that’s fine by me.

So I’m _careful_ with birth control. I need you to know that I am so incredibly careful. Three alarms to remind me to take the pill, replace all our condoms regularly, type of careful. I know a lot of people like the shot so they don’t have to remember the pill, but I tried that and it just freaked me out more. Drew joked one time that the placebo effect from taking the pill was probably almost as effective for me as the actual hormones, which...I guess. I tried explaining to him why exactly I never, ever want to be pregnant, and he didn’t – I mean, he didn’t pressure me about having kids, he’s very good about that, but I knew he wanted them, and it kept just being _there_ in the background of arguments and I didn’t want him to feel like I was leading him on. Seems he did, though. It’s like he thought once we hit five years a switch would flip and we’d just automatically progress to being married with 2.5 kids. I didn’t say no to the proposal – I didn’t _want_ to say no to the proposal. He’s a good boyfriend and if I’m going to marry anyone it might as well be him. God, I know that’s cold, I just – it seemed like a formality to me, but he got so happy when I said yes, and he got Mum and Jake to help him with the surprise, so I didn’t want to say no. He did get weird about me still wanting to use condoms “now that we’re almost married”, but for once in my life a panic attack was useful and he backed off. And I trust him– he wouldn’t, like...new condoms still rip, and with wedding planning and everything I was pretty overwhelmed so I most likely just...forgot or missed it or something.

You know the feeling when you’ve been a bit sneezy, but it’s probably just allergies, and then there’s one sneeze that makes your head fill up and the back of your throat go that weird sickly-sweet? One second you feel fine, and the next you indisputably have a cold. It was like that. I was at the pharmacy because we were out of aspirin, and I glanced over at the pregnancy tests and felt something unfold inside me so fast I nearly vomited. I felt so awful I don’t remember how many I grabbed, but I do remember exactly what the pharmacy assistant said when I was paying. She looked me up and down and said, “Oh, I can tell you won’t need these – you’re already glowing!”

Every single one of those goddamn tests was positive.

Once I threw them all out I called the nearest clinic and told them it was a self-referral and were they sure their earliest appointment was in two weeks? For two weeks, I told myself I was fine, I was being responsible and getting everything sorted out, and it was too early for me to possibly feel anything moving. I was scheduled right after work that Friday – I wanted the weekend to recover so no one at the shop would ask questions. Everything seemed normal for a doctor’s visit until they got to the ultrasound.

Nothing showed up. They had me on the table, stomach covered in that freezing gel, for almost half an hour while I begged them to make sure, just make _sure_ I wasn’t pregnant, I’d taken so many tests and they’d all _said_ – but there was just an empty screen.

I called another clinic, further away, another three weeks out. The exact same thing happened. I asked them if I could take the pill anyway, “just in case”, but they told me it wouldn’t do any good since I wasn’t pregnant. I felt it, the unfoldingstretching _wrong_ inside me, as soon as I stumbled out to my car. It felt like something settling down to rest. Like it had to gather its strength for the next push.

I ordered the pills as soon as I got home. Express shipping, a double dose. I wanted to be sure whatever was inside me was gone. I was still early enough along that the pamphlet and all the websites promised me it would work. _At seven weeks, you may feel cramping similar to a heavy period, with some visible tissue being passed. You may have a fever, nausea and vomiting. This is normal._ The rush of relief when I felt the first pill start to dissolve was glorious.

And then–

Did you know foetal cells can stay in your body for the rest of your life? They can become part of just about any organ, so even if you miscarry or abort, you’ve got them wound into your DNA. That was what I felt when the cramps hit. Something had meshed itself with every cell in my body and it was clinging on and it was so, so angry that I was trying to force it out. Did you know that, if you’re pregnant and not getting enough calcium, the foetus will pull it out of your bones to feed itself? I assume you don’t feel it happening during most pregnancies, but I felt it, tearing through my whole self, latching on to everything it needed to build itself up and stealing it from my body.

Drew found me collapsed in the bath and took me to hospital. Apparently it was a miracle that I hadn’t “lost the baby”. I think I tried to explain to the nurses how wrong it was, how it was taking over, but I don’t remember. They just kept telling me how lucky I was and giving me instructions for prenatal nutrition and how to tell if I needed to go on bedrest and Drew was looking at me like every single one of his dreams had come true on Christmas.

I’m due in about two months. Mum and all her friends keep telling me that I’ll be able to feel myself growing to love the baby, that the doctor will put it in my arms and I’ll never want to let go. I can feel something like that starting in the back of my head, but I know where it’s growing from, and it’s not from me. It gets stronger every time I start to think again about what my other options are, and I know eventually it’ll be too strong for me to stop. We’re both just cells, and I can’t outnumber it forever. And who doesn’t want kids, deep down?

_Statement ends._

_Despite her recurring computer issues, Sasha was able to track down Ms. Norwitch – it seems she came in to give her statement shortly before the birth of her first child. She and Andrew Sanderson were married September 2013, and according to medical records, Ms. Norwich was put on hospital bedrest in late 2014 due to a difficult second pregnancy and concern from her husband regarding her potentially relapsing into postnatal psychosis. When Sasha called on her for a follow-up, Ms. Norwich seemed happy to talk about her children, but could not remember giving this statement or wanting to terminate her first pregnancy. She remembered it being “a bit stressful, I suppose”, but became distressed when Sasha pushed for more details, eventually insisting that Sasha leave her and her family alone. Looking into Mr. Sanderson proved equally unhelpful._

_I’m really not sure where this fits in the grand scheme of things. Ms. Norwich’s description of her pregnancy has some similarities with Jane Prentiss’s statement on becoming the Flesh Hive, but that feels instinctively wrong to me. The love that the Hive used to lure Prentiss is missing entirely from Ms. Norwich’s statement. It almost puts me in mind of the statements surrounding Jared Hopworth, but this feels far too mundane, and there is no evidence that Ms. Norwich would have ever crossed paths with Jared. There was a note in what I assume to be Gertrude’s handwriting in this file, which simply read, “A.M.– copycat?” Without more details, I’m not sure where to direct further research, and as Ms. Norwich has made it clear that she would prefer never to hear from us again, this is likely a dead end._

_End recording._

**Author's Note:**

> Elaboration on the archive warnings tags: the statement narrator correctly suspects (but does not want to admit to herself) that her partner sabotaged her birth control with the intent to impregnate her, despite him knowing that the idea of being pregnant is deeply distressing to her. This is a very real form of abuse/sexual assault, and is the entire subject of this fic, so please steer clear if any of this would upset you to read.
> 
> Shoutout to @shsldespair for our conversations from, oh, nearly 8 months ago about the Inherent Body Horror Of Pregnancy & what that might look like in the world of TMA!  
> Further shoutout to my girlfriend @youshallnotfinditso for supporting my constant podcast discussions & beta-ing this fic even though I hit just about every trigger I possibly could. <3 <3 <3


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